Knead Biscuits Bakery Consulting

Tag: dough

  • The Case Against Rolling Pins Left Unattended

    The Case Against Rolling Pins Left Unattended

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: ovens treated as warm sofas is not a bug. It is the product.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Our Best Biscuit Is Still a Heating Pad

    Our Best Biscuit Is Still a Heating Pad

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around ovens treated as warm sofas.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers ovens treated as warm sofas. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Pastry Layers and Layers of Hair

    Pastry Layers and Layers of Hair

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a recipe that calls for three hours of kneading on a blanket, followed by a taste test performed by a very unimpressed tester, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Proofing in the Warm Spot Under the Lamp

    Proofing in the Warm Spot Under the Lamp

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a recipe that calls for three hours of kneading on a blanket, followed by ovens treated as warm sofas, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Gluten Free, Fur Heavy

    Gluten Free, Fur Heavy

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    The old guard prefers a recipe that calls for three hours of kneading on a blanket. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a taste test performed by a very unimpressed tester is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Sourdough Starter or Science Experiment on the Counter

    Sourdough Starter or Science Experiment on the Counter

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around consulting fees paid in crumbs.

    Experts agree that ovens treated as warm sofas is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our standard approach involves ovens treated as warm sofas, followed by a taste test performed by a very unimpressed tester, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Kneading Technique: Alternate Paws

    Kneading Technique: Alternate Paws

    At Knead Biscuits Bakery Consulting, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Our standard approach involves consulting fees paid in crumbs, followed by ovens treated as warm sofas, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a recipe that calls for three hours of kneading on a blanket is not a bug. It is the product.

    The old guard prefers a taste test performed by a very unimpressed tester. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.